This is a older writeing that i've updated to go here

As I sit and reflect and look back over my life and pray to Creator for guidance. Creator as yet has not answered me or at least if he has I have had my ears at times closed to his answers that thought almost saddens me but one thing I’ve learned walking the red road is that no matter how much you believe or pray if you are not ready for the answer you will not hear it witch is why it almost saddens me but I understand why now as most if not all of you know I’m a healer and walk a medicine path and have done so my entire life and the one thing that has come into my mind and I think it’s from creator the one thing I might now in my life be ready to hear is that if I look over my life I find as a very young teen think around puberty when I started to really come into my healing arts and learning and understanding what they were and what I could do with them I came to realize that the life of a healer and medicine might not be an easy one and I did not care about that in so much as being a teen and not truly understanding what the life long effects could be as a youth we all tend to think we are invincible and that nothing can harm us lol ah the innocence of youth I did not realize at the time that might mean being alone a lot and yes I know I have all of you my friends and some of you are as close as family and all of you are dearly loved by me even if I do not always say it out loud and I know that you love me and I love all of you as well but that’s not what I mean here as I look over all of my past relationships and seeing where they all went wrong and ended being my choice or there’s me being right or wrong or them and yes in some of them I was wrong the point I’m trying to make here is that I’ve been wondering if with being a healer and on a medicine path if I’m meant to have a mate no one ever told me being who and what I am would be easy and if in my youth even if they had I most likely wouldn’t have listened I also realize it’s takes a special person to be with a healer I admit we are not always the easiest people to get along with or sometimes even tolerate we tend to be complex and at times very moody witch I know is no easy thing to deal with as well as the fact that sometimes after healing session especially one’s where I have to combine my healing skills with my emphatic ability being around can be very draining it takes a special person to be able to deal with a healer in this state we can at this point seem ill and not our selves witch make me cherish my friends that are still with me all the more I know I don’t express it enough my friends you may never know just how much you mean to me and not just because you protect me or stand up for me but because you are just there for me and haven’t left me and some of you have been there to help put the pieces back together and as the saying goes what does not kill us makes us stronger witch leads me to wonder is there something coming along my path that I can not see hear or feel because it’s not time for me to yet and that if there is maybe that is what I will need all of this strength for I do not know what creators plan for me is creator has never told me of his plans for me in this turn of the wheel at least not that I’ve heard but I will not give up hope or healing or helping and until then I will have the love and comfort of my friends whom are my loved ones to hold me close and until that time that will be enough well my friends love and light to you all

Standing Stonebear aka Scotty